A Quest

So last week I made a pretty hefty decision! I have started a new quest. My quest is to love myself inside and out as much as my husband does.
To feel as sexy as he sees me. To not question why he loves me. I want to feel the way he sees me. I don't want to have any regrets. I want to live my life to the fullest. Experience all that I can.
Step 1 - Love my body ~ I weighed and measured my self. No lies I am 5'2" and 157lbs. I'm learning to accept it. To not complain about it. If I'm not going to actively change the # on the scale then I'm going to learn to love my body the way it is. Imperfect. Overweight. Flat in places it shouldn't be. Extra in places the "perfect" body doesn't have. I am a Mommy and it shows. I am bigger then the rest of my siblings. I was built that way. I was born with curves and I intend to keep them! I have dry hands. I get zits when mother nature comes knocking. My fingernails are all different lengths and I'm OK with that. I don't usually get a shower everyday because I'm usually too busy goofing off with my kids! I'm loving my body because although it may not look to the world as they would perceive the "perfect" body should, It's mine!
Step 2 - Have no regrets ~ I admittedly have a lot of regrets about my past. However, I am coming to realize there's nothing I can do about it because it's the past and well...you simply can't change the past. So let's move forward with life. I have always regretted the fact that I botched my chamber singer's audition (for those of you who don't know what that is...Chamber singers is the top vocal group at Walla Walla High School. All of my siblings were in it. I tried out but didn't take it seriously, made some pretty dumb moves, and as a result didn't make the cut.) So to move forward with life I, last Saturday, went up to the Tacoma Rainier's Pre-Season party and auditioned to sing the national anthem at one of their games. I haven't heard either way but I did the best I could. I practiced for days, all day every day. I sang when Isaac told me to stop, I sang in the shower, I sang while I made dinner, did dishes, did the laundry, in the car...anywhere and everywhere! I went, I almost chickened out but I sang. Now...I wait. An update to follow
Step 3 - Accept my faults ~ There are always dirty dishes in my sink, Laundry that needs to be folded, floors that need to be swept, mopped or vacuumed. Bathrooms that could probably be cleaned and beds that could be made. My house is in a constant state of disaster....but my kids are happy. If I were to take a picture right now, there would be a couch overflowing with clothes that need to be folded and put away, laundry hampers full with clothes that need to be washed, and toys all over the floor...But my kids would be smiling, laughing, or some other state of pure childhood joy! They have so many clothes that I am constantly donating some. They are loved so much that one of Isaac's first words were "Luh Loo" aka Love you. Gary smiles when we tell him we love him. They know who there parents are. They know that if they need something they can ask and we stop what were doing and help them. Nothing is more important then they are. Dishes can wait, Floors will be dirty, they laundry will be there tomorrow. They are only little for so long. I may not be the best "Homemaker" but I am a dang good mom and wife. My family always has something to eat. My kids always have diapers and clothes. My husband Loves me, desires me, and provides for me and our family.
Step 4 - Step out ~ I am a shy person. I don't like calling people out side my social circle (and by social circle I mean anyone who isn't my husband, sisters, brother, mom or dad.) It makes me nervous and I literally have to work up the guts to do it. Our calling (ward PFR) has helped some. It requires me to call people I may not talk to except for every 9 months when I call them to enlist their help cleaning the church building. I am trying to get my PartyLite Candle business going to earn a little extra money. That requires calling people and asking them to host parties for a product they either 1 have never heard of or 2 love but can't afford (it is admittedly kind of expensive). It gets a lot of rejections, and that hurts, but I'm trying to not let that stop me. I'm trying to realize and learn that most people don't judge me the way I think they do.
That's where I'm starting. I have no deadline. I will take as long as I need. This is my quest to Love everything there is love about me. Love me the way my family does. To stop being so critical and accept my new body. To Love ME the way my Father in Heaven does, Perfectly!